News about single status
Govt defends block to same sex marriage
Attorney-General Philip Ruddock has defended his department’s action in attempting to block a legal same-sex marriage overseas.
The Australian Embassy in Vienna refused Melbourne man Peter Kakucska a certificate confirming his single status once it became clear he needed it to marry his male partner Markus Muehlmann, an Austrian national.
The Netherlands requires proof that foreign nationals wishing to marry there are not already married in their country of origin.
Australian embassies provide this proof in the form of a Certificate of No Impediment to Marriage, or a Single Status Certificate.
Last year, the couple took advantage of laws that entitled them to apply to marry in the Netherlands.
Mr Kakucska told ABC radio embassy staff knew his sexual orientation, as he had crossed out the word “female” in the partner section and wrote “male” and his partner’s name.
“I was told I had to wait because they would … communicate with Canberra regarding the situation, because they realised this wasn’t normal procedure for them,” Mr Kakucska said.
“(I get) a sense that they wanted to wash their hands of the whole issue.
“They made me feel like a second-class Australian citizen abroad.”
The embassy issued him with a statement that read: “Following the advice of the Australian Attorney-General’s Department we herewith certify that Australian law does not allow the issue of a Certificate of No Impediment to Marriage to persons wishing to enter into a same-sex marriage.”
He was also refused a Single Status Certificate.
The Netherlands ultimately accepted the documents, along with an affidavit from Mr Kakucska as proof he was single. The couple married in the Netherlands in November.
Mr Ruddock said he stood by the decision.
“Our department issues a document that fulfils the purpose for which it is requested – that is, to deal with two issues,” he told ABC radio.
“First, to certify that there is no impediment because a person has been previously married and therefore to marry them would be occasioning an offence of bigamy.
“And secondly, to indicate that if a person marries in accordance with his intention abroad that it be recognised in Australia.
“And it’s the latter purpose for which certificates are sought to which we are not prepared to give such a certification because the law in Australia does not permit marriage between same-sex partners.”
Mr Ruddock said while some coalition MPs were agitating for changes to allow same-sex couples to access the same superannuation and other entitlements as heterosexual couples, he did not believe there was support for same-sex marriage.
“We are seeking to ensure people are not discriminated against or disadvantaged, but the view is we will not redefine marriage.”
He said the states had the power to determine whether to allow same-sex civil unions, but marriage remained a Commonwealth power.
Single, Free, But Not So Healthy?
Married life often means longer life, especially for men, studies find
By Kathleen Doheny
HealthDay Reporter
THURSDAY, June 14 (HealthDay News) — Single life has its charms and freedoms, but adults who never marry may not live as long as their wedded peers, new research suggests.
While the protective effect of marriage on health and longevity has been pointed out before, newer research is zeroing in on the never-married folks. Staying single all your life may not be good for your health or your lifespan, University of California, Los Angeles researchers have found.
The team looked at the 1997 U.S. National Death Index and the 1989 National Health Interview Survey. In 1989, almost half of the people surveyed were married; about 10 percent were widowed; 12 percent divorced; 3 percent separated; 5 percent living with someone; and 20 percent had never married.
Compared with married people, those who had never been married were 58 percent more likely to have died at the end of the study’s eight-year follow up period.
By comparison, those who were widowed were nearly 40 percent more likely to die during the follow-up than were married participants, while those who had been divorced or separated were 27 percent more likely to die.
Still, the UCLA researchers, who published the study in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health , said the findings can’t prove cause and effect.
And other researchers say it could be a chicken-and-egg question. Does single status lead to lack of health, or “are they single because they are unhealthy?” asked Patrick Markey, an assistant professor of psychology at Villanova University in Pennsylvania. He and his wife, Charlotte Markey, a researcher at Rutgers University in New Jersey, have studied the topic of marriage’s effects on health.
“Marriage, at least for males, has a huge benefit” on health, said Patrick Markey. He and his wife looked at more than 2,200 adults, all participants in the New Jersey Family Health Survey, and found that being married was associated with men being more “health proactive” — practicing good health habits, such as seeing the doctor regularly for check-ups.
“Marriage helps men out more than women,” Markey said, citing more results from the study, which was published in the journal Sex Roles in 2005. Married women and single women both tend to be “health proactive” compared with their single peers, they found.
“I guess the (married) women may be reminding the men” about good health practices, said Markey.
As for why single women may stay healthy despite their lack of marriage? “Single women tend to have good social networks,” Markey said. They have people to turn to when they need help, typically more so than single men, he added.
But another researcher, Howard S. Friedman, a psychology professor at the University of California, Riverside, said that singles shouldn’t necessarily expect a lack of wedding vows to shorten their lives.
“We did not find that singles are at greater risk for premature mortality,” he said, citing his long-running research on predictors of health and longevity.
“We found, confirming most other research, that married men live longer — that is, are at less risk of premature mortality — than divorced men, but this was not primarily due to any protective effects of the marriage itself,” he said.
“Rather, it seems both that some men are at greater risk for poor marriages and poor health, and that poor marriages, breakups and divorces are stressful,” Friedman said.
Friedman’s research also links childhood personality, especially conscientiousness and not experiencing a parental divorce in childhood, as predictive of longevity.
For more information
To learn more about Friedman’s health and longevity research, visit the University of California, Riverside .
SOURCES: Patrick Markey, Ph.D., assistant professor, psychology, Villanova University, Villanova, Pa.; Howard S. Friedman, Ph.D., distinguished professor, psychology, University of California, Riverside
http://www.hon.ch/News/HSN/602169.html
So, why aren’t you married?
SINGLES ENCOUNTER SMUG ATTITUDES OF THEIR MARRIED FRIENDS
By Mark de la Vina
Mercury News Article Launched: 10/28/2007 01:45:20 AM PDT
It seemed like such a revelation in the ’90s when author Helen Fielding outed them in “Bridget Jones’s Diary” and the “Sex and the City” girls had run-ins with the sanctimonious lot.
We’re talking about you, smug marrieds.
More than a decade after Fielding coined the term to describe those self-righteous wedded friends who judge Bridget’s single status, the smug marrieds issue endures.
“Marriage: The Good, the Bad and the Greedy,” a study published by the American Sociological Association in 2006, found that marriage can lead to a reduced number of social connections for couples outside of their relationship. In turning the marital bond into something of a social oasis, the recently hitched are less inclined to meet with friends.
Or as musician Alesandra Valenzuela, 34, of San Jose discovered, they’ll take it a step further.
Valenzuela, who is unmarried, says she noticed recently that the behavior of a couple she knew before their wedding shifted when they returned from their honeymoon. In their home stocked with such bridal gifts as a fancy tea set, the newlyweds were suddenly dismissive of Valenzuela.
“They acted all proud of themselves,” say Valenzuela, a singer-songwriter. “They acted like they had all of their pieces together and I was stuck eating frozen pizza and living in a house with laundry on the floor. Something changed.”
Stephanie Coontz, a history professor at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash.,
Other factors are also at play, says Stacy Kaiser, a Los Angeles psychotherapist specializing in relationships, who is nationally known for her appearances on VH1’s “Celebrity Fit Club.”
When women delay marriage because of careers, their attitude toward single life often transforms into a sense of relief when – after years of delays – they finally find a mate.
“Some married women put off the attitude that I’m over that, I’m settled down and relaxed,” Kaiser says. “There is almost a pity there, that they look down at the single woman as they think, I’m tired of that and I don’t have to do that anymore.”
Ron Geraci, author of “The Bachelor Chronicles,” (Kensington, 256 pp., $14), says that for married people, singles are seen as devil-may-care cocktail-sipping symbols of the old way of doing things. A married person can no longer commiserate over dating horror stories in the same way because they have stepped through the transformational doorway that is marriage.
Change the subject
Geraci, who is single, says that married people might behave smugly on occasion, but they are welcome to their insulated existence.
“My definition of hell is being around four married couples who have children,” he says. “They talk about sleep deprivation. They talk about private schools. They talk about what cute and amazing thing their baby did. That’s fun and amusing – for about 90 seconds.”
Couples become fascinated by the subjects they are immersed in, Geraci says, including the marriage itself. As a result, a recent groom pal of Geraci’s suddenly felt extra-qualified to offer relationship advice.
“The basic fundamental message is, ‘You don’t know jack,’ ” he says.
In a 1999 interview, Fielding described how smug marrieds make Bridget Jones “feel foolish, asking why she isn’t married yet and how her love life is, and she always wants to say to them, ‘How’s your marriage going? Are you still having sex?’ ”
Tara Sanders, 27, of El Cerrito is pelted with similar queries by friends, family and even a stranger in the checkout line of a grocery store. To Sanders, the owner of a handcraft store in Albany, they’re well-intentioned people who are convinced that happiness lies in tying the knot.
In spite of the difference in their marital status between singles and the wedded, there is one fundamental truth that married individuals must keep in mind, Sanders says.
“There is this feeling that they know better than you because they’ve managed to get married,” she says. “But if I really wanted to, I could just go to Vegas and get drunk and find someone. It’s not that hard.”
Contact Mark de la Vina at mdelavina@mercurynews.com or (408) 920-5914.
Sources: http://www.mercurynews.com/style/ci_7304806?nclick_check=1
Women face crossroads with careers, marriage
Shari Rabin
Issue date: 1/24/07 Section: News
More young women these days are studying for their Bachelor’s, Master’s and PhDs — not their “Mrs.” Degrees.
Data recently released from the 2005 U.S. Census reported that 51 percent of American women are single or, more specifically, “living without a spouse.”
According to the Census, a woman in 2005 was on average 25.8 years old when she married for the first time — five years older than the average age in 1980.
Though the study hinges on many factors, among them couples living together longer before tying the knot, higher divorce rates and women growing more financially independent, area students say the figures stem partially from young women’s career-oriented focus.
Students said they plan to get married but also said they want to pursue their own personal and career ambitions first.
Boston University College of Arts and Sciences sophomore Tali Stern said she wants to wait until her late 20s to get married so she can travel and get her PhD. She wants to get married at some point, but says that time is “just nowhere near now.”
Younger women like Stern have noticed one of the factors causing the high rate of single women of any age: divorce. Because many women in her family have been divorced, Stern said she wants to be absolutely sure a man is right for her before she marries him.
Although she does not know any girls at BU who are very concerned about marriage, Stern said some of her former classmates at a religious Jewish high school went to college to find a mate, an aim she called “repulsive.” She did admit, though, that when she hears about a classmate getting married, she gets “a little panicky” about her own single status.
BU women’s studies professor Barbara Gotfried said this panic is understandable because societal pressure on women to find a man is always intense.
“The message to women is so often that no matter how successful you are, you must still be married,” she said.
Gotfried said even with the striking number of single women in the country, she is surprised at the number of women who still settle down early and said it may be a sort of backlash to her own generation’s postponement of marriage.
Sargent College sophomore Yael Werber said she would like to marry soon. Werber has a serious boyfriend, whom she has been dating for a year and a half. She said she didn’t come to college “only for a career.”
Though she said most young women do not understand her desire to get married, she said a ring on her finger will not change her life too much.
However, Werber she acknowledges that some who marry too early for the “wrong reasons,” especially those who go to college looking for a husband, end up getting divorced. She said waiting for the sake of waiting, however, would not necessarily be beneficial.
If she has to work, she said she would enter the occupational therapy field, in which she will receive her Master’s degree from BU.
“If I had it my way,” she said, “I’d be a stay-at-home mom.”
Sources: http://media.www.dailyfreepress.com/media/storage/paper87/news/2007/01/24/News/Women.Face.Crossroads.With.Careers.Marriage-2671480-page2.shtml
Wedding in the Holy Land
Getting married in Israel takes lots of preparation
DEBRA MORTON GELBART
Contributing Writer
Destination weddings are growing in popularity; worldwide, Mexico and Jamaica top the list. But perhaps the ultimate destination wedding for an American Jewish couple is in Israel. However, there are a lot of hoops to jump through before you can say “I do.”
Finding the perfect venue and caterer is critical, locating a great photographer and musicians is very important, and the flowers demand some thoughtful consideration. However, if you want your union to be recognized and registered by the Israeli Rabbinate, there are some questions to which you first must be able to answer “yes.”
Question #1: Are you Jewish according to Jewish law? Was your mother born Jewish or did she convert to Judaism before you were born? Or, have you formally converted to Judaism according to the Orthodox tradition?
Question #2: Are you single according to Jewish law – if you are civilly divorced, did you also receive a Jewish divorce, known as a get?
“These are the most critical elements for getting married in Israel,” says Rabbi David Rebibo, the Greater Phoenix correspondent to the Chief Rabbinate in Israel. Rebibo is available to investigate anyone from the Phoenix area who wishes to be married according to rabbinic law in Israel. The Rabbinate requires a certificate of Jewishness and a certificate indicating a person is legally single, according to Jewish law, Rebibo says.
“If (a couple wishes) to be married officially under the Israeli Rabbinate, they cannot start proceedings until three months before the wedding,” says Joan Summerfield, the director of Anglo Israel Events Ltd., an event-planning firm in Ra’anana, Israel. “The vast majority of my clients marry through the Rabbinate. If they opt out, it is usually because they are quite happy to have a civil ceremony in America and a ’symbolic’ chuppah in Israel.”
Couples who choose not to go through the Rabbinate can obtain a marriage license through a lawyer in Israel, says David Bitan, the director of the Israel Center at the Jewish Federation of Greater Phoenix. “It is a legal document but not registered with the Rabbinate,” he says.
Rebibo says between 50 and 60 people have come to him in the last several years seeking proper documentation required by the Chief Rabbinate to marry in Israel. “Most of the couples from here are planning to make their home in Israel,” he says. “The majority of the Phoenix-area couples who want to marry in Israel are not Orthodox.”
Rebibo says all rabbis who perform marriage ceremonies in Israel – Orthodox, Conservative or Reform – must meet the criteria of the religious council in the city where the wedding is to take place, in order for the marriage to be recognized by the Rabbinate.
Event planning companies often can help couples connect with a rabbi in Israel. “We refer couples to a number of rabbis,” says Yael Adar, owner of Wedding In Israel, another Israeli firm.
“We have connections to many rabbis and try to ‘match’ the rabbi to the couple,” Summerfield says.
No couple that Rebibo is aware of from the Phoenix area has married recently in Israel and returned to the Valley; he says most have made aliyah to Israel.
If a couple has basic questions about Israel itself and general rules, regulations and customs, they can consult with Bitan, also known as the shaliach (emissary) of the Israel Center. “Part of my job is to be a resource for people,” says Bitan, who was named to his post in August.
While the most critical step to marrying in Israel is securing documentation that certifies your Jewishness and your single status, it’s not the first thing you should do. The first step is hiring a wedding or event planning company based in Israel up to a year before the planned date for your wedding.
“(Summer is) a popular time to hold an outdoor wedding,” says Adina Buchs, owner of the Israeli-based event planning company B’Rosh Shaket (which in Hebrew translates to “with peace of mind”). “Depending on the couple’s flexibility with their date, it is advised to begin nine to 12 months prior to the wedding, to ensure availability of the desired venue. The winter months are less in demand and therefore require less advance planning. Due to the bureaucratic requirements involved for a couple who is planning on registering their wedding with the Rabbinate, I would recommend beginning no less than three months before their chosen date, regardless of when they wish to hold their ceremony.”
When thinking about a date, remember this: In both the Ashkenazi and Sephardi traditions, there are significant restrictions on conducting weddings during Sefirat Ha’omer (the Counting of the Omer), the seven weeks between Passover and Shavuot, Rebibo says. The exception is Lag B’Omer, the 33rd day, when a ceremony can be held before sunset. He says no weddings are conducted during the first nine days of the month of Av, which is in July or August on the secular calendar.
“If you plan on getting married on Lag B’Omer, you should note that all activities typically have to end half an hour before sundown,” Yael Adar says. “Also, this date usually has a premium and most venues will require a minimum number of guests. Consequently this date is not ideal for small weddings (under 250 people).”
The next thing to consider is the venue and the location for the ceremony and reception. Weddings with a view of the Mediterranean Sea or Jerusalem’s Old City are very popular, event planners say.
“There are four different types of venues,” Adar says. “(They include) halls, hotels, event gardens (some have indoor winter options as well) and on-location unique venues.”
“(We) scout out a selection of venues which could ‘fit the bill,’” Buchs says, “booking tentative reservations with each of them. We visit each of the possible venues in order to have an up-to-date, firsthand impression. We lay out the options, pointing out the advantages and possible drawbacks of each one, for the couple. This may help the couple to redefine their priorities, and we will continue to increase the selection, until the couple is completely satisfied. Once they have made their decision, we will finalize with the venue of choice and cancel the reservations with the others.”
“(We help choose and) organize everything for the couple,” Joan Summerfield says, “from finding a suitable location, catering, decorations, music, entertainment, flowers, photography, videography (and) gifts for guests. (We also handle) theming the function, tours, transportation, hotel accommodations, hairdresser, makeup and the miscellaneous items such as kippot.”
And what will the services of an event specialist cost – along with the wedding itself?
“Wedding planning and coordinating fees typically start at $1,500,” Adar says.
“If you want to get married between May and September, prices will be 10 to 15 percent higher than other times of the year. Thursdays and Fridays tend to be between 10 to 20 percent more expensive than other days of the week. Friday afternoon weddings have become quite fashionable.”
She says “good catering starts at about $58 per person, while the average ranges between $70 and $80 per person. Typical venue rental fees for on-location venues range between $3,500 and $5,000.”
Wedding planners advise their clients not to expect the same type of service from vendors in Israel that they’re accustomed to getting in the U.S. “There are certain ‘culture gaps’ that may be encountered,” Buchs says. “Some of the Israeli vendors are not attuned to American tastes and requirements. Certain things which an American couple may take for granted could be unknown or unrecognized by the Israeli vendors who will be serving them.”
“Israeli suppliers don’t always realize the standard of service expected by people from overseas,” Summerfield says. “Israelis tend to have a very laid-back attitude that can be frustrating for people coming from abroad.”
Summerfield says for most couples, the frustrations are worth enduring. “A wedding in Israel is utterly magical, spiritual, romantic and spectacular,” she says. “Many guests remark that the weddings they attend in Israel are the best they’ve been to anywhere in the world.”
Sources: http://www.jewishaz.com/issues/story.mv?070119+holy